Friday, January 22, 2010

Everything I Know About Football I Learned from the Wall Street Journal

In order to be a Highly Qualified Grandma, I need to know about football. My two grandsons are probably the biggest football fans in the entire world. Ok, so they're not that big (kindergarten and second grade), but their fan-ishness knows no limit. The older one has been trying to teach me to throw a spiral for a couple of years. So far he has not been successful. They both quiz me about team colors, mascots, and quarterbacks.

So I've had to take the Wall Street Journal's short course in Football for Grandmas. And this is what I've learned:

1. Quarterbacks are the handsomest players, if facial symmetry is equivalent to handsomeness. Check it out.
2. After a football team changes its logo to look fiercer, it wins more games. Note: The new logo has not helped the Detroit Lions in any way worth thinking about. (But Matt Stafford is handsome for a kid.)
3. Statistically, going for it on fourth down pays off in points.
4. Losing the last one or two games of the season does not bode well for a team during the playoffs. The Colts forgot to read this article.
5. Peyton Manning may be the best quarterback ever. Maybe even better than Johnny Unitas.
6. The blitz is the trendiest move in football. But it can be a bad idea when playing against the Colts.
7. The Vikings built their team by aggressively recruiting elite and free agent players with potential to meet specific needs. And paying big money. And going after old, frequently retired quarterbacks. (Brett Farve is handsome for an old guy.)
8. During a typical 174 minute broadcast of a football game, the football is in play for approximately 11 minutes.

You'd better have your knitting handy.

2 comments:

Lisa Criswell / Indigo's Beads said...

lol. i guess that sums it up, huh?

Carol said...

ACKKKKK!!
Born in Chitown and a diehard Bears fan even though I love the Colts, I MUST disagree with the Brett Farve comments, tpit, tpit, (spitting after I spoke his name) ~lol~. Maybe he should shave.

Yep, Grandma, if you are not a football fan, the next best thing to do is study up. Be glad they are grandsons..if they were grand daughters, you would be reading Rolling Stone and studying up on the latest DIVAs.

Carol